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wilco: sky blue sky |
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esteban was a handsome stud of a pinata. he was the studliest pinata in all of pinatown.
esteban hailed from pinatalunya, pinata capital of spain. unlike most hobos repulsive con herpes who commonly sport a "dirty sanchez", esteban had a "clean sanchez", which is what they called the manliest of manly moustaches in these parts. it was groomed and waxed to vaginally-lubricating effect, often causing female pinatas to swoon in adoration and break out with hives.
esteban would spend most of his days fishing with his irish bagel friend, turd ferguson. why a candy-filled papier mache horse and a bagel would want to eat fish, remains something of a mystery.
"me cuelgan como un caballo! pero mi cara es como un melón!" said esteban gallantly, as he whipped his fishing line out into the lake with the grace of a nun.
"right! mud-wrestling is fer pansies. this be where real man test their me'tle, eh? oi'll be getting this 'ere fishnet out," replied turd ferguson in his thick irish brogue.
"soy un semental sentimental que estos pescados son gays. ¡debo cogerlos y comer sus pescados los palillos vienen a mí los pescados! ¡venido, venga! hahaha!" esteban seemed to shout out to no one in particular.
that sudden bellow began to stir a rouge-ish urge that resided deep inside turd ferguson, his irish blood swelling the way irish men do when they have random urges to behave like a lout. he needed to shout. he didn't need a reason why. and with that, the irish began to let out a loud, proud irish rap that scared away all the fishes in the lake.
"oohhh oi'm a horny pastry,
and them short leprechauns make me horny!
so i does what i could,
and i shags 'em real good,
but them bastards, they got HIV!"
"ai caramba! ¡el su cantar hace mis testículos dar vuelta a horrific verde, horrible! ¡pare, en el nombre del amor!" esteban pleaded him to stop.
he knocked turd ferguson to the ground and pinned him down with a wet hoof. licking his hooves before sticking it into the bagel's ears, he performed a dastardly submission move that americano bullies liked to perform on mild-mannered and bespectacled kids in the playground - the dreaded "wet willy"!
suddenly, from behind the bushes on the bank of the lake, who should pop out but the town sheriff, pan xi the panda with small penis. his penis was small because as we all know, pandas come from china, where 90% of all small penises are from.
with a flick of his bisexual finger, he broke up the scuffle and gestured to turd ferguson, "you have performed illegal hip-hoperation! you go to jail, bad boy!"
esteban shed a single pina-tear as his friend was dragged by pan xi, into the police vehicle made of bamboo. it had no wheel, because pandas hadn't yet discovered technology yet. for all technology as we know it, came from the germans, the greek and the japanese. being from china, all he excelled at was martial arts and the habit of over-pronouncing his R's.
esteban shaved off his "clean sanchez" as an act of tribute, knowing well that turd ferguson likely didn't make it to the panda gaol, for pan xi was known for his love of bagels and regardless of the origin of the bagel, he never discriminated. unless of course, the bagels were jewish.
indeed, turd ferguson must have died a horrible death.
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